the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
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