they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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