Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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