I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
