I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Randomize