party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I think my fart just growled at me.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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