Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
