Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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