Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
