I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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