I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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