Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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