I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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