You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
