oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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