I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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