please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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