I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
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I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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