turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
