so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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