The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Did I show you my penis last night?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
