Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
