Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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