I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
