The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
