i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
