So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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