those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
