Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
