just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
