My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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