No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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