I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
