I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
