My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Randomize
