Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
