he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Someone shit on the floor
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
