dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
