69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
