New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
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