Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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