sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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