hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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