where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
