I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
barbara walters just said penis...
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
