Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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