I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
