great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
