so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
