She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Randomize
