I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
