I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
