just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
