Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
