Soap is not a condiment
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
