We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
And then the night went full on bisexual.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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