absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
