u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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