I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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