Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
