I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
