He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
