last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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