Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
