He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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