im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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