I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
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