im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
