Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
