that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
