Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
