Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
