i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
how drunk are you?
Several
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
