i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
