Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
