That's intense
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
