I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
