It's Friday. Sex?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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