Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
