I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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