you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
either way he was missing a nipple.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize