Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
